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I never realized it before, but the amount of products I use on my hair is absolutely insane: shampoo, conditioner, leave-in spray conditioner, straightening balm, hair dyer, round brush, paddle brush, curling iron, smoothing serum, hairspray. Ridiculous!
I don’t have to worry about those products for a little while though, because I finally let go of the last few strands of hair today. I got my first “bathtub haircut”–Jeremy put me in the tub on a chair and shaved my head. It was time. I was experiencing some pretty severe pain on my scalp and with all of the hair that’s been falling out I looked like…well…a cancer patient.
The good news:
1. I don’t have an oddly-shaped head. It’s actually quite proportional
2. My ears really don’t stick out that much
3. My eyes look really big
4. Did you see that list of hair products? I can save some money!
5. More sleeping time since I don’t have to do my hair
The Bad News:
1. I’m bald
(1a. I know, I know, I know…it’s only hair…it will grow back…your aunt’s hair grew in better than before…it’s only for a little while…it’s what’s on the inside that counts…if losing your hair hair means living the rest of your life then do it…I KNOW all of those things, okay?)
This has been coming for a while now, but it was still hard. Plan A was to have Jeremy shave my head and then I could cry and whine with him all alone. But honestly, I really didn’t want to cry over this, I’ve shed enough tears over stupid cancer and stupid pain. So I came up with Plan B: in an effort to include my children in what’s going on, I would allow each kid to take a swipe at my head with the clippers, followed by picking out and applying a funny temporary tattoo to my head. I even had Jeremy go out and buy a pack of tattoos!
For the past three or four nights, I’ve thought about how to do this with them, and I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t imagine NOT crying, which I just don’t want to do right now. When I cry, they do too, and that makes me cry harder, which makes them cry harder. So then we moved to Plan C, which was a blend of Plan A and Plan B. Jeremy shaved my head and my tears began with the first touch of the clippers. When it was finished I avoided the mirror for several minutes. The problem is, I have a shiny bathroom with lots of reflective surfaces, so I couldn’t get away from my reflection for long. When I finally met my own gaze, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, which is good. The kids are going to pick out a tattoo to apply tomorrow.
A friend once told me that we shouldn’t say “good-bye” when parting ways, but rather “hello for next time.” So, hello for next time hair products and hair. I happily await your return. (But make it fast. And hair? PLEASE don’t grow in gray or weird.)
Really? Cancer? I Think I Need a New Purse 
I love it Kendra, keep fightin, day in, day out. We’re fightin with you!
Secretly this scared the crap out of me. I didn’t want her to have to go somewhere and have it done in public in case she did want to cry, so kept my total terror to myself.
The part with the clippers was no problem. The razor was the issue. I was worried i would have to have a disscussion along the lines of “I’m sorry baby not only are you losing your hair but you are now bleeding profusely. No, no that’s not water running down the back of your neck.” I really could see it ending badly.
Good news though; I didn’t screw it up. No massive bleeding, scabbing, unsightly scarring or additional trauma caused by me.
You’re a good man, Jeremy. 🙂
Glad to hear that you are blessed with a nice head, K.!
I will say it again…you are such an AMAZING woman! So glad you are sharing what you are going through…it helps some of us feel as if we are still connected to you and that we can think good thoughts for you without saying a word or drawing attention well, maybe a friendly, encouraging smile in the hall. Stay positive!
Kendra, I just read your blog and I am so proud of you. You are such an inspiration. Jeremy, I am sure it was terrifying for you too, but you are doing such a good job too!!! Yall are going to get through this. I just know it!!!
I think you are both awesome people and I admire the love you have for each other. Time heals all and heck seems to make you that much more awesome. Thank you for these awesome words of love and strength.
Kendra you are just so amazing. So strong. So smart. So beautiful. So ……..amazing. Thanks for being willing to share your heart with us. Praying for all of you and will continue until you are cancer FREE! Love you!!
Thanks! Luckily I have beautiful, supportive women like you around to serve as role models. 🙂
I am so proud of both of you! Wow.
I have 2 things to share here. First, I have heard and seen many cancer patients’ regrow curly hair for the first time. So be prepared for a little bit of wackyness, just in case.
So my second point of interest is, did you hear they are considering releasing a Chemo Barbie? My grandmother and mom saw this on the news. I usually wound up cutting all my Barbie’s hair off and she wound up “looking like” she was going through Chemo- but I am hoping or assuming this new release won’t have those unsightly little holes in her head.
Please take some tattoed pictures. My only concern is if the tattoos will bother your scalp. Use Baby Oil ASAP!! Or Cetephil.
Does your head feel better now at least?
Thanks, Sara. I did hear about the chemo Barbie, seems fun, but she needs to come with a “hair re-grow” button for when she’s finished with chemo!
And yes, my scalp feels SO much better! It was the right choice. I plan to take pics and then use something soothing to take them off. I don’t want to have that tattoo remnant grossness that little kids get.
My hair’s regrowing now (well done with chemo) – when I was bald, I used buffs (warmth! they come in polar fleece too – http://www.buffwear.com/) when needed; temporary tattoos (ordered a bunch off Amazon) to cheer me up; and had a hennahead party just before my last chemo.
It’s attitude, and it helps.
(and this too shall pass)
Love the buffs! I think I’ll order one–good colors, thanks!
You’re right. No matter how much you think about this step before it comes, it is stil hard. This was a very emotional step for me. Glad we both had our husbands to help us out.
Glad you have this step behind you. You are one strong lady.
Thanks. On the strength stuff, I’m finding that the “fake it ’till you make it” adage is true! 😉
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