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My oncologist, Dr. D, decided that it would a good idea for me to get a chest x-ray and baseline bone density test. I decided to avoid the issue for a little over a month, but the nurses were relentless in tracking me down. So in I went for more poking and prodding by medical professionals.

I checked in and was led to a small room where I was asked to change into a lovely hospital gown and hospital pants. I threw them on and made my way to the bone scan room. I reclined on a hard slab and watched as the machine whizzed and purred over my body. It was over in just a few minutes. From there we were off to the x-ray room.

The nurse stopped suddenly and said, “Oh! Let me tie your gown. Your backside is open to everybody!” I stopped and let her tie it, but I also smirked. I immediately thought about different things are now. Modesty? Not so much. After being squeezed and squished by so many people, I have no concerns with whipping my top off and baring it all. In fact, I think the doctors waste time when they leave to allow me to change into the gown. I suppose I might feel different after being fully reconstructed, but right now, my upstairs is an open book.

We went into the x-ray room and I had my upstairs zapped. The technician stepped out so I could get dressed and I snuck over to the computer to take this picture:

Yes! I look so thin! I should get more imaging done this way. It’s very slimming, right?

The results came back from both tests a few days later. The chest x-ray showed nothing but health. I passed! The bone density didn’t come out as I had hoped though. Dr. D explained that I have osteopenia, which is a precursor to osteoporosis. Great. Bad bones don’t run in my family and I’m kind of young for this condition, so it looks like the chemotherapy and radiation left me with some lingering side effects. Sigh. I hate that cancer treatment saves your life only to mess up your life.

The treatment for osteopenia is diet and exercise, which is also the treatment for cancer, healthy weight, mental health, longevity, heart disease, sleeping well, allergies, and hangnails. So the only way to get better is to be thin and muscly. Damn.